I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
