Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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