ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
