At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
