My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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