okay pat passed out under dana's car
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
