you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
