Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
