her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
