y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
