Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just threw up on my dentist
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
