I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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