is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
These tits shall not be calmed
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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