Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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