Porn is love you can see.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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