found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
