I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
