My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
