chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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