Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
