if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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