I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
