I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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