I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
