Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.

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(850): View more from Florida

All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.

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(303): View more from Colorado

No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.

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(661): View more from California

Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.

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(713): View more from Texas

I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?

(870): View more from Arkansas

I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living

(318): View more from Louisiana

It's like we're not even friends

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(732): View more from New Jersey

FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES

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(651): View more from Minnesota

She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.

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