VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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