Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize