Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
