Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Even my vagina gasped.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
