the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize