you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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