playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
