I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize