shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
