Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
