proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
