Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have post one night stand depression
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