Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
