dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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