he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
