I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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