Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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