how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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