i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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