youre lurking in front of me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
