i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My vagina just clenched in fear
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
