Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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