i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
