what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
