on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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