Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
