I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
