If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
