Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
