The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
