And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
