Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
