i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
