I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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