I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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