ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
