He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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