Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
