Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
