youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
