Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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