Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
