I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
