This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
