If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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