Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I looked at my own cervix.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
